That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
