i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
