We got so high we made milksteak
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
