Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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