Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Still dying that you shit outside
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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