She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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