Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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