Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
