happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
