im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
