i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
