Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
