Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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