if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize