And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
