how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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