Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
no, he came in my armpit
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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