nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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