This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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