Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
