Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
