Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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