Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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