If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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