for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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