so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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