how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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