1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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