I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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