Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
tell me about the fingering
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