Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
two words: eviction party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
