umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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