we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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