I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
