I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Someone shattered a urinal.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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