Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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