she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
