Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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