I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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