I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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