whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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