The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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