Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
