Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
