it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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