And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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