i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
