so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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