Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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