Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
