1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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