hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
