Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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