He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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