My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
