I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
