I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
