I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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