ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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