Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
