So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
