Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
