Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
