I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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