It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
