Pants 0. Shit 1.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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