the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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