No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
