i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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