Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
