***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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